blatant ineptitude

Why the Web should adopt the subscription model (or how you started worrying and stopped loving unoriginal shit like Dr. Strangelove references)

2009-09-23T23:06:00.015-05:00

If I had to pay a quarter for every twitter account I followed, every facebook "friend" whose bullshit showed up on my feed, and every rss I subscribed to, how would my mind be different?

If I were interviewed in Monocle (get at me Tyler), the inevitable question "What is your media diet like?" would most likely cause me and the interviewer to gag as I conjured a living, caloric metaphor of the slop that I shove down my brain throat. The answer would bring to mind the daily feeding habits of the most gluttonous, high fructose-stuffed obese red stater crossed with a food critic forced to judge every cooking reality show on cable: both trash and high-brow, but, most importantly, entirely excessive. Why is this?

It's because people share way too much, way too boring, way too often. This thing right here is a gift the likes of which intelligent human beings have never been given in history. The birth of many-to-many was a revolution in communication on par with the printing press and the TV blah blah blah, everyone knows this. But the problem is that the lowered barriers have placed this immense tool in everyone's hands, especially the least discerning among us. Some people kind of ruin it.

Yes, it is partly my fault for paying attention and "subscribing". But as a curious, focused, determined consumer of media I can't unplug from the overwired digital lobotomy junkyard lest I miss that sweet piece someone tosses out. If I were to even attempt to get rid of every abuser of internet from my screen I would be left with barely anything to read and this would take the fun out of it. The fun part is that we're all shootin the shit here, crackin jokes, sharing mind-blowing stories and even creating innovative, consciousness-expanding ART. As a price for this, should I be forced to click thousands of little buttons to turn off all the boring thoughts I've been coaxed into receiving? I didn't realize when I clicked your button six months ago or two years ago that I'd be subject to inane mind spittle. Fuck that, you should have to convince me FIRST that what you have to say deserves mine and everyone else's attention!! I would subscribe to that.

Convergence is a detriment in one huge way; articles from the New York Times can show up on feeds (on your phone, on your social network, on twitter, on your RSS) next to the dumbest, most pointless information in an infinite continuum of inexplicable digital stuff. This model is broken. It is the saturated fat and second hand smoke and greenhouse gases of our intellectual world that has yet to be regulated. And it is running rampant!!!

Stop starting blogs that suck. Stop sending out spam PR with utterly pointless content (video interviews or really 90% of anything video). Stop starting tumblrs for kooky memes three minutes after they are spawned. Stop sharing your lunch. Stop refreshing your drug of choice page and start exploring those other tabs on your browser to bring something dope to the conversation. Because really, we're all trying to have a conversation here and you keep interrupting!!

Treat every tweet like it's a haiku, because it is. Your facebook status updates are more important than your haircut, the crew you ran with in high school and your favorite band t shirt combined because 10 times more people will see it than any of that shit. So why do you treat it like it's the margin of your diary and you're scribbling text doodles? I'm not even going to go into detail and post screenshots, links or anything like that because, honestly, I have no idea where to start.

If you bring the goods you get my internet high five from now on. We all live on this internet so treat it with respect! I like it here and don't think I can survive cold turkey after being plugged into the electric information tsunami for so long. We've realized that the Web was visually designed like shit so we redesigned most of it. It's time to realize that the Web is being used wrong; stuffing it all down one pipe has caused a big fucking clog. Let's separate the pipes. A pipe for bullshit and another for useful, inspiring, CREATIVE information sharing. Let's try it!!!!!

I'm gonna do my part. Everything I add will have slap in it and I will give out slaps to that which does not. This is a SLAP-ONLY guarantee. From now on, when someone asks me what my media diet is, what I'm riding to, you will know my answer.

big mothership glidin

2009-08-25T09:29:00.010-05:00

I haven't written anything in a while for a few reasons. I've been pretty busy, but also I've been completely bored with the one thing that used to make me want to write here. Not only is the turnaround for new songs, mixtapes and albums so fast that one forgets by Friday what was good on Monday, but the quality is pretty questionable. This is why every time Jay-Z's team of professional PR-minded leakers sends an email the world goes nuts. There's nothing to be excited about. It's like 24-hour news; we probably shouldn't have a countdown leading up to a "beer summit" on CNN like we probably shouldn't see 10,000 blog posts on the "leak" of the BACK COVER of a new album. That being said, this new culture can work sometimes. Years ago you probably never could hear regional stuff without youtube, mixtape sites, and, yes, blogs. We will never figure out how to collectively use the internet to create a tasteful, discerning current of media and art so just stick your head out and try to grab what you can as it flies in your face.

i love you no matter what you think of me

2009-07-24T12:59:00.000-05:00

work

2009-06-15T19:57:00.005-05:00

I posted about Alc's first single from his upcoming album Chemical Warfare earlier and I am going to emphasize again here how excited I am for it. "That'll Work" brings Juicy J and DJ Paul together with Juve (still one of the hardest rappers in the South) over what's become Alchemist's signature horror flick future crunk. I am absolutely loving DJ Paul's newfound artistic renaissance and return to the dark, druggy tone of Three 6's 90s heyday. The more drugs, dead bodies, and shotguns in my rap the better. These guys sound like they almost wish they didn't have their millions right now so they could throw on a ski mask, hop in a dangerously fast American muscle car and blow some people away. It's like my favorite movie that's never been made come to life in song.

Is there some sort of trend toward the macabre in rap lately?

HOPEFULLY

neck kinda freezin boy believe me

2009-05-06T11:52:00.006-05:00

Boosie is finally coming back to prominence. After Trill Ent. had a brief run as the rap crew du jour back in 2007, Boosie dropped his excellent Da Beginning mixtape, which I wrote about back then. Webbie followed up his hit "Independent" with his totally underrated and dope second album Savage Life 2 and it looked like Trill Ent. was coming into its own and may start putting out hit club tracks and great rap albums on a regular basis. But its most charismatic member, who stole the show on both of their biggest hits and is often wrongly assumed as being the artist and not the feature (these being Foxx's "Wipe Me Down" and "Independent"), let some serious buzz go by without releasing his album. In the meantime, Lil Wayne became a superstar and Gucci Mane became the South's unanimous underground and mixtape champion. It can't be too late for someone as great as Boosie, though. His music is consistently interesting, heartfelt, soulful, musical, and always getting better. He's the most sympathetic rapper even when he's unflinchingly chauvinistic or materialistic or violent.

Today the ostensible first single from his next album, apparently called Superbad, was released to the internet and features Webbie and Young Jeezy. It's a fantastic tribute to making it as a rap star, both a chance for ceaseless bragging and also reflection on the incredible odds against from three dudes who constantly rap their asses off on anything you put them on. Go grab that The Return of Mr. Wipe Me Down mixtape form earlier this year.

my weekend and a monday

2009-04-27T12:03:00.011-05:00

Ah, the depths I've plumbed, the heights I've scaled and I can't feel the difference! I'll decide on a path, one to the bar and the word processor the other back to the moving sidewalk of humiliation. I'll probably just stare at my laptop instead of either.

Today I chased down Pinky from TVCarnage in the middle of the street, he was on his bike and a throng of uniformed kids on a class field trip was passing between us. I said, "Hey man, I'm Matt, sorry to do this but I'm having the worst day of my life, just got turned down from two jobs this morning, I can't catch a break, What should I do with my life?"

He rocked back and forth on his bmx, in the middle of the intersection of Graham Ave and Grand Street in 85 degree sun, sighed. "Send me an email, I'll see what I can do."

Then I went into a bar around the corner from my apartment to get a $1 pitcher of beer and started talking to a couple kids. One of them started talking about Southern California and how great it is, I asked him what he's doing in town and he said he's on tour. I asked what band he's in, turns out he is Wavves. The other kid is also in a band. Had a pretty boring conversation with them, though they were nice guys. Then their friend Matt came by and joined the table, ordered a pitcher, and I asked him the name of his band. He said Blank Dogs. He asked me what I do. I said I live in the apartment behind the backyard of this bar and tried to pretend like I'm a writer. They asked me what I'm writing.

KB goblinz

2009-04-10T15:19:00.007-05:00

Home of The Infamous Kooter Brown, dunnny

Rated 5 out of 5 P's

walking, a pale toxic shell

2009-04-05T14:58:00.006-05:00

The above is a poster for a Melvins show.

I've been listening to The Idiot album by Iggy Pop almost non-stop over the past week (sometimes Lust For Life if I'm in a good mood) and UGK, whose last album ever came out this week. It's put me in a very odd, contemplative mood and I've prepared a lot of notes for a future journal I intend to write inspired by listening to the album on a never-ending loop and wandering aimlessly around the West Village. I'm convinced that it is the greatest album in recorded history but that's not something I have any business writing about. I'm thinking about starting a band based around a couple friends of ours that look like rock stars. I haven't played guitar seriously since high school and every time I pick one up it sounds like a jam band, a problem that I would need to resolve if this were to ever actually happen.

how to be a boss - a message board review of Jim Jones' new album Pray IV Reign by yours truly

2009-03-21T17:30:00.004-05:00

im goin in

― preview& potmXII& chinchillas& surfboar (surfboard dudes get wiped out, totally), Saturday, March 21, 2009 4:15 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

"Intro" ft. Starr

So the intro sets the tone of the album pretty much right away, if not sonically then thematically. This album is about Jim Jones and the fact (read: made up bs) that he is a Gangster and a Hustler with both a capital G and H and especially one of the Harlem-specific variety. The name Nicky Barnes comes up within a matter of seconds into this song. Like I said, the beat is gorgeous, 70s soul guitar, wailing horns, live percussion (prob sampled). The cool thing about this song is that throughout the whole thing there's always a bunch of other voices going on beside Jimmy, there's a guy with a dope falsetto singing about being a hustler and a chick kind of just moaning throughout. Also dude's constantly having a conversation with his own raps in the background. No idea who the fuck Starr is but he might be this dude who Jimmy kind of like has a convo with on this song in between verses about rappers being fake and not hustling as hard as Jim Jones etc etc etc. Bu really the big thing here is the No I.D. beat, honestly nothing on American Gangster sounded as good as this. Jimmy raps about fiends, Lexuses, mentions the Roc, really no story just floss.

― preview& potmXII& chinchillas& surfboar (surfboard dudes get wiped out, totally), Saturday, March 21, 2009 4:23 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

"Pulling Me back" ft. Chink Santana

Sirens. Clinking, Dramatic piano. Uh Oh here comes a serious one. Then Chink comes in with a weak hook about coming so far, having a nice house and big cars (LOLLLL) but how some other people are always trying to take it away from him. This dude sucks by the way. The beat is big and clunky, huge bass drum in a kind of "We Will Rock You" pattern with hand claps and little clinky piano notes. I think Jimmy is trying to tell a story about his life (he says in he watched his Mom cook base) but it's barely coherent because literally 25 secs later he claims he can make the coke spin on its back like Krush Groove and talks about being in a dealership. It's pretty much "a gangster finally made it" if there is in fact a point to this song. Not one of the better ones on the album. Too much drama and not enough meat to it.

― preview& potmXII& chinchillas& surfboar (surfboard dudes get wiped out, totally), Saturday, March 21, 2009 4:32 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

two dope beats are enough for me to dl this at least

― 14 karat gold steen computer wizard (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Saturday, March 21, 2009 4:38 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

"Let It Out"

Ok this one's kinda dope. Everything builds up in a way that suggests someone actually Produced this album (not just sprayed adlibs over a CDR). Interesting beat that starts with an acoustic guitar and then adds some almost military drums all while Jimmy actually says some interesting shit even though I'm pretty sure the first thing he says is "See, they actin like us comin up so dormented" which is not a even word. But he goes on to say that to the media we look like savages and that it started with sneakers, then went much deeper and that money is an infection and as he's talking it slowly turns into a verse as the beat congeals into a pretty nice groove with a cool synth line, the type of synth that might be on a Yes record from the 80s. Then some chicks come in with a Chorus and dudes in the background going EyyyyyyAyyy! So this song was about money and kinda of a soulful confessional but the second verse is less comprehensible. The streets can call Jimmy back into The Life and he's all wrapped up in it yadda yadda yadda. Basically an almost wasted chance to get a little gospelly o here as he's known to do frequently if anyone's ever listened to his other albums. At the end he shouts out two guys named Hot Dog and Wacko and gives harlem a nice big pat on the back. I think this guy likes to talk WAYYYYY more than he likes to rap.

― preview& potmXII& chinchillas& surfboar (surfboard dudes get wiped out, totally), Saturday, March 21, 2009 4:43 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

"How To Be A Boss" ft. NOE and Ludacris

Aright here we go this song is kind of a monster. Ron Browz behind the boards, big fucking thumbs up to him for this one, sounds like something LOX or DMX might have torn to pieces in 2000. I love the beat, it's got a sort of nervous sound that gets broken up every 8 measures (this could be wrong fuck it) by some really Major string that come in and just swoop the whole thing up into a big smile. The drums are like big as fuck like "Money Cash Hoes" which kind of gets alluded right off the bat - "Murder, Cash, Cars, Hoes, Fast life as usual is all that we know" is the first sounds you hear with pounding drums beneath em. The drums are crazy, besides the huge bass under everything there are some real subtle fills and the sounds are very live and not Trackmasters cheap and thin. So Jimmy's first and kind of brings some heat. The good thing about this song is that the subject matter actually doesn't detract cuz this is that song where you talk about money and bitches and your chain. His adlibs are unbelievable ("Where's my lawyer!?"). I like a bunch of the lines he dropped on this track but you'll all listen to it cuz Luda is on it so not gona repeat. NOE. What is there to say about NOE besides the fact that HE SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE JAY-Z AND JIM JONES ARE YOU FUCING DEAF OR RETARDED. But his hook is kinda really fresh on this track I love it. Like for real, his hook is dope right here. Then Luda raps and he's Luda and I love him. NOE gets a third verse and doesn't ruin this song despite the fact that he says is girl had to pee pee. Might be the best song on the album.

― preview& potmXII& chinchillas& surfboar (surfboard dudes get wiped out, totally), Saturday, March 21, 2009 4:51 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

"Medicine" ft. NOE and Chink Santana

Ughhhh. Every album Jim has new goonies that he puts on 45% of the songs, last time it was Max B and now it's CHink Sanatana I guess, I honestly don't even know who the fuck dude is. He produced this song and it's woozy and spacey and a little unnerving, kind of a throwback to like Timbo/Missy style stuttering drums but not in a good way. This song is about pussy and there's a big metaphor going on in which pussy is medicine. Chink raps in a really annoying accent and draws out all his lines and he's fucking annoying. This song is kinda bad but it's intersting soncially, like if it comes on and you're not paying attention and it's on low volume it will sound cool as long as you don't hear the Jim Jones hook that's really fucking vulgar and brings up images of that man doing sexual things which is disgusting. I think NOE is actually kind of a good rapper but no one will ever know because he sounds exactly like Jay-Z did I mention that.

― preview& potmXII& chinchillas& surfboar (surfboard dudes get wiped out, totally), Saturday, March 21, 2009 4:59 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

thanking you.

― there's a big metaphor going on in which pussy is medicine (a hoy hoy), Saturday, March 21, 2009 5:00 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

"Frenemies"

OK this is a big important song on this album and I don't really think it merits a word for word analysis because it's pretty fucking clear what's going on here and if you're interested in this little corner of rap (let's call it XXL-hop) then you will listen to it. It is a song about Cam'ron. Period the end. It's also kind of lame.

― preview& potmXII& chinchillas& surfboar (surfboard dudes get wiped out, totally), Saturday, March 21, 2009 5:00 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

"Precious" ft. Ryan Leslie

I've been repping for this song on here for months perhaps and I really think it's a great song. it sounds out of place here though, right after "Frenemies" is such a stupid place for this song. I guess Ryan Leslie produced it, he cooked something really dope for this, the verses are sticky and dark and head-bobbing and, like, rap music for rap fans, and then the hook comes in and everything changes to this lilting grand piano swoon and romantic vibe. I think Ryan Leslie might be the first person to ever really figure out how to make a great Jim Jones song, literally giving him his verses and takin the chorus for himself and turning both into two different sonic landscapes. Ryan gets a little mini verse that takes the static-y synths out of the verse part but leaves the fantastic guitar muted electric guitar and shakers that have been there al along but you never noticed, and he just totally evaporates this track in a few seconds. This guy is a talented motherfucker I will listen to more of him. Jim actually has a pretty engaging thing going on for this song, flow is better than usual, adlibs are A+, cute little anecdotes about chicks texting and he says "smh lol with a smiley face" which makes the whole album worth it. he does say "every Obama needs a Michelle" though. this is just two dudes talkin about broads, i'm in.

― preview& potmXII& chinchillas& surfboar (surfboard dudes get wiped out, totally), Saturday, March 21, 2009 5:10 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

"Blow The Bank" ft. Oshy and Starr

"Talkin about that Splash Life" is the thematic tone here. Here's Oshy! Yayyyyy who the fuck are you welcome to the album dude. This song has that Miami sound that Jimmy kind of thrives in (see "Summer With Miami" which remains his greatest contribution to recorded music). It's basically about spending money on women, a big topic for '09. The drums are weirdly pounding which kinda doesn't mesh well with the summery synths and major chords and splashy singing that's going on by two people named Oshy and Starr one is female and one is male and I don't now which is which.

― preview& potmXII& chinchillas& surfboar (surfboard dudes get wiped out, totally), Saturday, March 21, 2009 5:14 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

"This is For My Bitches" ft. Oshy

I guess Oshy is the dude in which case I should make an editorial note that in my "Intro" post I wrongly identified Starr as the dude that Jimmy was conversing with when in fact she is the chick singing in the background. Whatever who gives a shit. This song is literally the same exact thing as "Blow The Bank" and could there ever be a more hilarious "song for the ladies" track title. More synths but this time they're kinda vamping and Oshy is crooning all over the place about how sexy women are those sexy things and then calls them bitches and tells them to put their hands up high. Jimmy lives quite a life like Las vegas and cars and certain designer stores he could buy you some shit from them if you hop in his car, I imagine, I'm not really even listening to what he's saying right now.

― preview& potmXII& chinchillas& surfboar (surfboard dudes get wiped out, totally), Saturday, March 21, 2009 5:18 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

"Girlfriend" ft. Juelz Santana and Oshy

Whoa, first thing I think of here is old Dipset sound with these sinister strings-preset synth stabs. Jimmy sees thick girls in the room that he's in and then another Jimmy responds to that with "Ray Charles can see that" and this is before the song even starts. Literally we got multiple Jimmys talking to each other and ordering models from a waitress. Ok beat starts and the Dipset vibe is out with a stuttering sparse percussive production with just a hint of a synth accent during the verses. This is a club track apparently, couldn't really tell until Jimmy's first verse is over and Oshy (what's up dude!) comes in with some yodelling (not kidding) and Jimmy has a little shake yer booty hook. Man Juelz sounds like he took 3 xanax bars on every verse he's dropped since "Nothin On Me". QUite literally a forgettable verse from my boy here, I have nothing to say about it. This song is not going to be getting your local discotheque into a frenzy any time soon.

― preview& potmXII& chinchillas& surfboar (surfboard dudes get wiped out, totally), Saturday, March 21, 2009 5:24 PM (55 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

"This is the Life" ft. Starr

Most people dream of it, this is what we lvie for, they want to take it from us, etc etc. Rick Ross called and said you kinda suck at this and also it's almost Lights Out time. Starr is so useless she sounds those female voices that don't usually get credited with a feature but obviously Jimmy has big plans for this one or something. Steel drum-ish synth notes in a kinda dreamy gentle pattern and boring strings behind them. this song is fuckin wack.

― preview& potmXII& chinchillas& surfboar (surfboard dudes get wiped out, totally), Saturday, March 21, 2009 5:29 PM (50 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

"My My My" ft. Rowanna

What. The. Fuck. Didn't I just listen to this. Who the fuck is Rowanna. This beat is making my head hurt and Jimmy has literally said the same exact thing for a while now and is this a joke this girl sounds exactly like the last one. "I hope there's a Harlem in heaven." <-------- this song in a nutshell. Crying, you smell me?

― preview& potmXII& chinchillas& surfboar (surfboard dudes get wiped out, totally), Saturday, March 21, 2009 5:32 PM (48 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

"Pop Off" ft. NOE and Mel Matrix

Ok glad we're done with that little excursion into romance (four songs) and remorse (two songs) cuz this what we come to Jim Jones albums for, fuckin rap about killing people and robbing people and shit like that. The beat is unremarkable but this is kind of good because believe it or not some people like myself wanna hear what Mel Matrix can do (Byrdgang). This is the type of track that makes you realize what Stack Bundles meant to Jimmy and his plan for Byrdgang cuz dude would have bodied this and it would be fun (if you've never heard Stack Bundles go dl a mixtape he was a good rapper). Anyway, Mel Matrix is competent in a NYC gun talk context, good addition here and his chorus is sufficiently violent and angry and he def. killed this track. This is goon music in the original Byrdgang sense not in your stupid Plies-ironic way. Byrdgang doesn't really come off like a rap force to reckoned with from this track though. They aren't. Jim Jones is better at talking shit than rapping which is a fact that was made famously and unquestionable tryue for all ages in Cam'ron's classic "Hate Me Now" Nas diss track and he talks some shit here too.

― preview& potmXII& chinchillas& surfboar (surfboard dudes get wiped out, totally), Saturday, March 21, 2009 5:41 PM (38 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

"Pop Champagne" ft. Ron Browz and Juelz Santana

What is there to say about this that hasn't been said. A masterpiece of minimal autotune club music that was pilfered by Jim Jones in a most blatant way. I still can't believe that people let this go down but alas "Pop Champagne" will go down in the history books as a Jim Jones song. If he hadn't jacked it we wouldn't have been blessed with the bizarelly laconic yet engaging and weirdly awesome Juelz mini-verse. The whole club knows those first few words of his verse and when the beat drops out then comes back in with him shit gets picked up another level every time. Juelz definitely found his flow for this one and even though he says absolutely nothing (it actually sounds like it was produced by a Juelz machine with the "Club Song" switch turned on") he just sounds so right on this. It's mostly his voice but I think he's one of those rappers who, even though he's never had a huge hit or even a crossover, is sort of club signifier. Like when people hear Juelz voice on a good club song they dig it. I can't explain it, there are other rappers like this but I think it might stem from "Run It," anyway he sounds totally in the pocket on this song. If you don't love this song you probably play World of Warcraft.

― preview& potmXII& chinchillas& surfboar (surfboard dudes get wiped out, totally), Saturday, March 21, 2009 5:50 PM (30 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

"Rain" ft. Rell, NOE and Starr

Ugh we're back to this remorseful gangsterizing. I guess there's some genuine emotional stuff in this song but really, who gives a shit. We get it. That's jsut me, I don't know, if you need your spiritual moments provided by Byrdgang you are totally failing. Rell has been on every fucking Jim Jones and post-DI 2 Dipset release and no one knows who the fuck he is. Ron Browz is a GREAT producer, this track is gorgeous, huge and full and almost Tricky Stewart style snaps and "eyys" and really tasteful synths that sound like they might actually be from a synthesizer and not from a Casio in someone's bedroom. Unfortunately it's like totally shitted all over by Jimmy's molasses-thick melodrama. It's worth hearing fro Ron Browz' production, though.

― preview& potmXII& chinchillas& surfboar (surfboard dudes get wiped out, totally), Saturday, March 21, 2009 5:56 PM (24 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

"Na Na NaNa Na Na" ft. Bree-Beauty

LOL. this whole thing is just so hilarious. First of all, the hook is an un-ironic schoolyard taunt thing about haters and money and whatever. Second, Bree-Beauty. hahahhhh. wtf is up with this guy Jim Jones and his ridiculous stable of talent. Also she was paid and received credit for singing the words, "Na nana na na lookin at my ass wish you had a camera." Wow. Third, it's produced by and entity known as "ILLFONICS." I remember when I first heard this song I was in a cab and me two other kids we're really wasted and it was probably 11 pm and we had made the driver put on Hot 97 a few mins before that and the dj (Mr. C?? idk) was like NEW JIM JONES and we just fucking lost it. First, the song bumps pretty hard and is kinda dope in that perfect on the way to the club way, not for the stupid hook but just cuz it's big and pumped up and booming. So one of us reached over and turned dude's radio all the way up and this was before the hook even happened. then we heard the hook and it got really silly in that cab. This song is the ostensible follow-up to "Ballin" except it does not do what it is intended to, mostly ecause of the totally misguided hail mary of a hook. It should be a very big lightning rod for Jim Jones hate, rightfully so.

― preview& potmXII& chinchillas& surfboar (surfboard dudes get wiped out, totally), Saturday, March 21, 2009 6:08 PM (12 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

"Swagga From Us" ft. NOE, Twista and Lil Wayne

old blog leftovers, bonus track. i honestly don't understand anything about this song. It's a diss to Jay-Z but Lil Wayne is on both songs? Twista is a good rapper and he's on it so that's a plus. And we learn that Chink Santana can actually make a pretty good beat.

― preview& potmXII& chinchillas& surfboar (surfboard dudes get wiped out, totally), Saturday, March 21, 2009 6:12 PM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark

not as good as Hustler's POME, doesn't really show that much growth as an artist although there are some good choices on it, really boring in the middle and definitely not fulfilling Dame Dash's dreams

― preview& potmXII& chinchillas& surfboar (surfboard dudes get wiped out, totally), Saturday, March 21, 2009 6:17 PM (28 minutes ago) Bookmark

the darth vader prescription taker

2009-03-19T12:58:00.014-05:00

CATCH UP

the fruits of my labor as a one-night PA on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

2009-03-04T21:48:00.002-06:00

that's me in the freeze frame on NBC's embeddable video player!

the most obviously fraudulent real rap star of all time

2009-02-24T12:21:00.009-06:00

Remember rappers? Like, Rap Stars? They were cool because they rapped real well and released albums that were filled with these really good rap songs. Now they stage lame beefs or experiment with corny effects/act mad fruity or act just corny in general or are Lil Wayne.

Rick Ross is the most curious case of rap stardom in the 00's by far. He is not a great rapper (though this certainly hasn't stopped a number of dudes from crossing over) and his subject matter has pretty much never wavered from the ridiculously hyperbolic persona of a drug kingpin, a stance that got a little prickly when it was revealed that the guy who goes by "Rick Ross" (a name borrowed from a real Miami drug kingpin) was actually at one point a corrections officer. So it seems the cards were stacked against him. What does he do? Release only dope albums and kind of pretend like he has no idea what everyone's talking about (ignorance was bliss until he bit for Curtis' beef, a slight mistake in an otherwise flawless stretch). Rick Ross albums are lush, thumping, bass-rattling hymns to drug dealing, living lavishly in a way that should be well beyond any normal person's wildest dreams, women, and cars. Consistent and listenable, while maybe not mind-blowing or technically great, Ross has proven himself to be an album rapper, something that would have been unfathomable in 2005 when he broke out with "Hustlin." But dude is poised to come out with his third good album of the decade, the same number as Jay-Z in the 00's.

It doesn't take a genius to realize that this guy doesn't really know Noriega (the real Noriega) and doesn't roll around with 10 black Maybachs back to back in a lane. A lot of rappers make really questionable claims, but perhaps no other rapper in recent memory has been so wholly doubtful than Rick Ross. So how did he do it? He raps and makes jams. Period. Take a lesson Curtis.

The first track to come out off of Ross' upcoming Deeper Than Rap was shocking to many internet Ross haters, mostly because it was so raw that they couldn't deny it. Ross is a disciple of the organ and drum-fill synth-pillow sound, a school of beatmaking that gives his hoarse baritone a suitably luxurious atmosphere in which to wax leisurely. The dude plays the melodramatic kingpin as well as Vince Curatola (OHhhh!). Slow and heavy is his M.O. and making choices like this, to not fall for the typical traps that concerned studio gangster rappers usually do (again save for the 50 beef), is why he can't be dismissed as just a laughable caricature.

Two more off Deeper Than Rap, "Cigar Music" and "Shittin On Em" ft. Birdman and Busta, are equally dope. In a world where rap beefs are carried out on Youtube it's nice to just ignore the bullshit and let a rapper do what he does best, even if it is wildly questionable. Now let's step away from the RSS feed and open up some champagne and possibly dive off a bridge into the ocean.

(DUDE JUMPED OFF A FUCKING BRIDGE IN HIS VIDEO. BOSS!)

posterboy

2009-01-31T19:42:00.002-06:00

This is very sad news to me. Posterboy has made some of the most subversive and impressive subway platform fuckery I've ever seen. Dude's technique is so skilled and patient it's incredible. I've tried this type of thing, but it's usually when I'm durnk waiting for the L scratching at an ad with my keys, doesn't come out quite as well. Apparently he got arrested. They still care about shit like this?

Some of my favorite posterboy moments:

surfboard dudes get confused, totally

2009-01-19T16:24:00.006-06:00

Juelz Santana, "Let's Cruise"

When a new Juelz Santana track popped up in my google reader among the never-ending deluge of inanity and utter banal garbage that is the rap-blog internet I clicked and listened (rare for me). I, as some people may know, love Juelz. I don't have to explain this, just know it. Anyway, I had no idea what to expect. The last year for Juelz has been incredibly slow. All we've really had to work with was a Skull Gang Takeover mixtape, which was actually pretty good but short on the man himself and stayed pretty close to the standard post-Dipset Harlem rap sound, ie: dudes crooning slightly off tune (somehow Max B became the most influential dude in the neighborhood) and oddly toned-down, sample based beats. It also had autotune, an unhealthy usage of the term "swag" (often followed by the word "SPLASH!") and Skull Gang (they kinda suck). Not a good combo. From there we had the Bad Santa thing, which basically can be described with the exact same words above but replace "Skull" with "Byrd." Neither are huge fails but they're not exactly something I will be returning to any time in the near future. Then there were the two very high profile guest verses. One of them is a throwaway run-of-the-mill club verse that should never have even made it out of the studio and the other is one of the best verses on the highest selling album of 2008.

There was also this thing that no one talked about because it was totally half-assed and people were just not feeling the Swag Splash movement. But it had one Juelz/Jimmy collab on it that went under the radar, "Stack Money," which is genuinely engaging and original, possibly because of the bugged out from the future beat:

So when zshare was almost done fucking annoying the hell out of me and I was ready to listen to "Let's Cruise" I was truly curious to find out what it was gonna sound like. Was I gonna hear some boring skull gang-boosting promo for another mixtape? Was it gonna be some trend-hopping bullshit like autotune, hipster samples, heavy use of the words swag and/or aggy, an "A Millie" copycat beat? Nope. None of that shit from human crack. Instead, he got gifted a woozy pillow of a beat and decided to write his version of an ode to sex and cars and the tenuous relationship between the two. The shit turned out to be one of the strangest, silliest, most hilariously and beautifully unselfconscious raps I've heard in a minute. The metaphors make very little sense, so little that I think he must have either been a) completely stoned when he wrote this, b) lost his mind/gone a little soft in the head from drugs or c) has decided to just run with this new absurdist, giddy style and just fuck with us cuz he knows (thinks) he birthed this whole swag thing. It actually had me wondering for a minute if he's much smarter than everyone thinks and some people may not be in on the joke. What I love about this song is the childish and just ignorant approach he took to actually writing the lyrics. He wanders off the subject like he was alternating between xbox, family guy and online porn while he wrote it. It's supposed to be a song about sex and driving but the dude can barely even stay on the subject. And the beat matches the half-asleep, half-baked lyrics and flow perfectly. It's unintentional genius.

A few of my favorite moments from "Let's Cruise":

"you gotta be a good dicklicker"
"let me tongue-kiss your breast, yeah baby I'm a mess"
"I'm so cold I could make a groundhog come out of his hole, I'm out of control"
"I'm so bold you would think I was full of cereal, but that's a no-no. cheerio!"
"I'm so beyond freaky, baby I'm kinky"
"the floyd mayweather of sex, now show me some respect"
"I don't salad toss 'em I salad turn 'em"

i wish I could live in this clip forever

2008-12-27T00:01:00.001-06:00

new british anti-cocaine spots

2008-12-10T11:06:00.003-06:00

apparently the Brits are going with an uncomfortable satiric humor approach to getting kids to stop doing coke. Talking mascots include a tiny, fluffy dog that they claim is being used as a mule (couldn't really hold much innit?), a bag of coke and a dude's nostrils. Seeing this fake stuffed dog with a hole in its stomach is totally weird and will probably make a lot of people uncomfortable. but I think that's the point.

this one has the talking baggie, which is reminiscent of the Oprah's minge episode of South Park. This one in particular makes me cringe, mostly just because I hate this guy's stupid accent and the unfunny jokes. also, it's apparently a Scottish bag.

then there's this one with the nostrils. uninspired comedy and predictable premise, outside of those two things the message is delivered like a brochure in a high school guidance counselor's office.

so these ads are lame and will (like pretty much every single anti-drug campaign) simply give fodder to those who already use. But, in 2009 (yup), the success of campaigns is pretty much measured in one way, and you're seeing it right here. Word-of-mouth is all that matters, and these spots seem like they were made with the youtube/blog world explicitly in mind. Like the new Burger King "Whopper Virgins" campaign, this already has people talking. So if the responsible parties were trying to get people commenting on threads about how much they hate these ads, then they may have already succeeded. But getting kids to stop buying coke? Try introducing some American rap mixtapes into lesson plans and curriculums. This will teach them just how despicable it is to be a "fiend." They will look down on "customers." Sure, you'll have a generation of kids who aspire to be drug dealers, but it hasn't really failed here in the States, plus, if everyone's dealing then no one's using! Young Jeezy will work well, I'm sure. I mean, it's probably better than showing them a bag of coke for over a minute and a girl blowing a line off a toilet seat and a "disco" kid dancing in a club.

bill murray

2008-12-08T10:34:00.004-06:00

Bill Murray is my personal patron saint. I feel like I know him because I've grown up with him. He raised me. Not only is he my favorite actor of all time, he's easily one of the figures who has made the most significant mark on my sensibilities and humor. From movies like, first, Ghostbusters (which was pretty much the only thing I cared about when I was like 5 years old), then Groundhog Day and Scrooged, then Caddyshack, and then Rushmore and to a lesser extent Lost In Translation. The only other movies that had as big of an influence besides Bill Murray movies were probably Tim Burton and Wayne's World.

But the idea that he walks around nowadays like some sort of wandering trickster/Socrates type is really interesting to me. Apparently the man is into social experimenting and people's reactions to strangers doing strange things to them and pretty much just fucks with people.

There’s an urban legend that’s gone around until no one is sure who it happened to, or if it happened at all. It was late one night, a few years ago, when a young man was walking through Union Square Park. He suddenly felt someone behind him, their hands over his eyes. When he turned in surprise, there was Bill Murray, his creased face leaning in close. Bill whispered, “No one is ever going to believe you,” and then just walked away.

— From an article in this week’s Page Six Magazine (not yet online), which looks at Murray’s recent forays into Brooklyn house parties and wonders aloud if he is going through a mid-life crisis.

I also read a comment on Gawker that someone wrote in which they described a moment in a bar when Bill Murray suddenly made eye contact with them and then ran up and started tickling them. This is important work this man is doing.

And then there's this. lolbrooklyn

I Watched as the Light Changed Over the Water - FICTION

2008-12-04T10:31:00.001-06:00

I followed Adam out of the drug store and stumbled back onto State. St. People quickly crossed my blurred vision, all busy in their routines. No one saw me behind my sunglasses except for my friend, the only other person on the street who knew what to do with the tin foil and baking soda he just bought from Walgreen’s.

It's never been clear whether Adam is serious. He's an ambiguous caricature of himself, crafted through hundreds of half-sarcastic quips and asides that began as funny in-jokes among our friends but now seem more and more real. So it never really fazed me when he joked about crack, something he had done countless times since I met him.
I had seen him do some pretty crazy things, but crack is just too silly. People who smoke crack live in trailer parks, not in Statesider. It carries such an intense stigma that it seems like a universal line that no one can cross, even the most adventurous. I never thought he was serious.

Giggling, he clutched his plastic shopping bag like it was a new puppy and I tried to keep up with him as we rushed through the pedestrian traffic. I had begun to figure out what this field trip was really about.
“Dude, what the hell are you doing?” I yelled, grabbing his shoulder and spinning him around. With a menthol cigarette dangling from his mouth, holding his pants up with one had and squeezing the shopping bag to his chest with the other, he stared blankly at me. I was now shouting loudly on the sidewalk in front of his building, normal people enjoying the summer weather and the sun beating down on us.

Adam shook me off and ran up the stairs to his apartment, slammed the door and locked it. He had just moved in so it was empty except for a few boxes, a stereo and an overflowing ashtray. It now seemed like an ideal environment for deviant behavior.

He had been hanging on by a thread for the past couple years, barely maintaining sanity. The day’s activity did not seem like a positive development for him and I did my best to voice my disapproval. But as he prepared, his excitement filled the room. It was like watching a child unwrap presents at his birthday party.

He laughed and excitedly bounced around his tiny kitchen building some sort of deranged contraption. He explained every detail as he followed the directions he had found by Googling the words “making crack.”
I felt depraved and twisted knowing that I was in a room that would shortly become a crack house, but I was having a hard time containing my laughter. I stared with rapt attention and my hand covering my open mouth, the way I would probably gawk at a freak show. This felt more like rubbernecking after a bad accident on the highway, though.

When Adam finally lowered the torch lighter over the foil, I stopped pacing and pulling at my hair to peer over his shoulder. The bubbling powder spilled over the sides of the measuring cup. That’s when I knew we both had finally lost it.

rap rotation

2008-12-01T14:19:00.012-06:00

I think I'm gonna do this more often. here's my current late-08 rotation

OJ Da Juiceman "Culinary Art School"
ridiculously ignorant drug rap of the highest order. Post-Gucci Mane mush-mouthed South flow with one of the most unique Ad Lib games in recent history. maybe this is like the new Trap Or Die.

I'm convinced that Gucci is not only one of the most entertaining rappers around but he's also not actually a human living in the USA in 2008. dude is definitely something else...He doesn't speak English, his mouth doesn't really make the same types of sounds, and he looks really fucking scary.

get the fuck off my blog if you don't like scarface

Classic. Probably my favorite and most listened-to cd/mix/whatever of the past 6 months. PRGz should be the new Beatles.

G-SIDE "Starshipz and Rocketz"
more Alabama. killing it. like a mix of Organized Noise circa ATLiens and G Space Age Pimpin 8Ball & MJG...this is a filthy good country rap album.

I don't how the someone who can barely be qualified as sane can even make three albums in a little over a year PLUS go to jail, but Prodigy has made three DOPE albums in a row. it's fun to listen to his ridiculous, delusional paranoia and crack stories.

this goes in just for The Greatest Mixtape Cover of All Time.

lose your life

2008-11-18T13:43:00.004-06:00

Al-al-al-al-chemist.

Not taking yourself too seriously + animation + gore + zombie gangsters who rise from the grave to go George Romero on a hipster = GOLD

someone at a magazine has infiltrated my brain

2008-11-11T15:39:00.006-06:00

these are three consecutive pages from the current issue of Antenna (or at least they're consecutive images on their Web version of the current issue):

FUCKING WEIRD

"We're joined now, via hologram, by Will.i.am." - Anderson Cooper

2008-11-05T09:51:00.004-06:00

you get the Trill.i.am moniker back for now, buddy. I can't top the hologram live in the Situation Room Hi-Def Fortress of Solitude/Stable of 70 Pundits. Will, you, sir, are at election 2012-level humanlike rendering and we'll all just spend the next four years thinking about that. Future.

dan aykroyd, crystal skulls, and Newfoundland vodka (wtf informercial)

2008-10-07T12:35:00.005-05:00

ok, I don't know what the fuck is going on here but this is one of the weirdest things I've ever watched. When I was a really little kid, there was nothing in the world that I loved more than Ghostbusters. The movie, the toys, merchandise. I watched it a million times. Now Dan Aykroyd is apparently really into ghosts and UFOs ancient legends about mystical skulls. So into it, in fact, that he's decided to launch a line of premium vodka that is contained in replica crystal skulls. The skulls are, according to Aykroyd, A REALLY BIG DEAL!!! And so is the vodka!!! This video is really weird. I don't know if it's a joke or not, but just please make it to the Canadian distiller named Phil cuz it's funny.

swag songz

2008-09-25T14:31:00.005-05:00

this is seriously dope in a beautiful, shiny, sexy way. Trey Songz making every single dope track of the moment his own. I've never seen an rnb singer do the freestyle thing like a mixtape rapper for a full length tape before in my life and dude just splashes all over these songs. this is going into rotation.

stop making rap

2008-09-08T12:46:00.005-05:00

holy shit this is so dope. I thought T-Wayne jumping around like lunatics with their underwear showing was gonna be the highlight but obviously we missed this little performance. Kanye is taking his whole persona to levels I had not imagined. Grey suit with a red flashing LED heart on the lapel? It's like Pee Wee Herman in a tim burton movie or some shit. DAMN. Also, dude sounds like what pop music should sound like in 2012. He's so ahead of everyone that he's using some other shit that's not autotune but is clearly cooler sounding and makes him sound like some sort of heartbroken cyborg who who's only heard N*E*R*D* and Talking Heads records. This clip is fucking phenomenal. MTV's production value was epic and the purple and red foggy backgrounds were killing it behind Ye's army of synchronized drummers. SHIT IS SO ILL when all the lights go down and you just get him looking like a rap David Byrne.

Oh yeah this song is incredible and is such a good move I can't even really wrapped my head around it. Dude has officially manifested himself into being all that he thought he was or could be. GENIUS.

OK. I happen to be a fan of Travis barker. I think he's cool, I like his new schtick as the guy who "remixes" rap songs by just playing drums to them way louder than they were originally recorded. I also am a fan of DJ AM. That really doesn't need explanation. But this little partnership they've arranged seems a little lame and kinda contrived. I like everything about it until it gets into MTV's hands: a drummer and a DJ, that's cool. This, however, is isn't:

TRVSDJAM - "Wonderwall (Remix)

The collaborative DJ/drummer combo TRVSDJAM re-mix a tune from Oasis to highlight what's coming up next. (2008 MTV Video Music Awards)

the LAAAAME writing (seriously MTV holler at some talented writers a fucking monkey could come up with more interesting copy than that), the MSTRKRFTian name (such an LA thing right now, wouldn't be surprised if they remixed some Does It Offend You, Yeah? tracks or "Paper Planes" remixes, too). when did MTV become completely ignorant about actual MUSIC.